Redefining the meaning of success
There’s a huge pressure on us to be successful and even if you aren’t, to at least make it look like you are. But what if we’ve got it all wrong and societal success isn’t even attainable? What would it look like if we determined what success means to us?
Magnify Magazine Edition 5
Success can look like so many different things to so many different people. It could be getting the promotion, being the Nigella Lawson of your friendship group and having everybody mm-ing and ooh-ing over your chocolate soufflés, having your kids complimented for being the most well-behaved children in history, or being asked where you got your stunning dress from and replying ‘I made it’! Or, just simply, you know, achieving career, familial, personal and aesthetic perfection.
I naturally place my worth in what I have done or do, how much people like me, and what I can achieve. I’m sure I’m not the only one. There are many people in our lives that encourage this expectation of perfection and implement conditional love, whether that is parents, spouses, bosses or friends. That’s hard enough without the pressure of the perfect, well-rounded characters we see in films and on television that we aspire to be, or the flawless and hairless women in magazines that we want to look like, or the adventurous and popular women and their perfect Instagram feeds who we not only want to be but who we want to be friends with as well. The deep desire to be accepted has us rushing to not just be successful but to be perfect. It’s exhausting, heavy, and starting to feel unattainable.
There are a few definitions of the word success. One is to attain fame, wealth, or social status. The other is to accomplish a goal. What if we saw success not as the first definition (the acquisition of a desirable status, which in our culture is perfection), but instead as the second (the achievement of dreams and ambitions that we have set for ourselves)? And what would you choose as your goals?
Everyone’s aspirations will be different and that’s what makes the world an exciting place. But here are a few of the goals that I, personally, would love to grow towards.
1. Avoid comparison.
Comparison kills. If an athlete runs a sprint and looks to their left or right to see how well they are doing in comparison to everyone else on the field, they will not perform as well as they would if they just focused on their own sprint. I don’t want to do this in my own life and limit my capabilities because I’m constantly wondering how I look compared to everyone else. Our paths and our dreams are different from other people’s and so comparing ourselves to the journeys of others is pointless unless we want to be them rather than ourselves. Maybe we get worried about what other people think of us if our lives don’t look like theirs but like my hero, Meryl Streep says, ‘the minute you start caring about what other people think is the minute you stop being yourself’. Your idea of success might look different to others, but I believe it should. Refraining from comparing myself will allow me to be authentically myself and I consider that more of a win than any promotion in the world.
2. Grow in vulnerability.
The powerful teachings of Brené Brown in her many books and her Netflix special Brené Brown: The Call To Courage have dared me to dream of being more open and honest with myself and the people around me. ‘Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy’ (Brené Brown). I want to consider vulnerability and sharing my fears and feelings with those I love as a strength; to be brave enough to have my heart broken but chose to love again; to allow myself to feel the scariest and uplifting emotion, joy, without a sense of impending doom.
3. Be a servant, not a Queen.
Society says we should strive to be queens in our careers, in our friendship groups, in our families; to be at the top of our game, to be the boss, to be the best. Being a successful woman in all areas of my life is something I definitely strive for and I’m proud of that. I just wonder if I could also be a woman who focuses on sitting with the broken that bit more than being promoted myself, to want to serve others more than being served myself. This goes completely against what society views as ‘success’ because it doesn’t focus on attaining fame, wealth, or social status. But how much more successfully loving would the world be if we concentrated on serving others instead?
Most importantly, I hope not to pressure myself into achieving the perfection of any of these three goals. It’s a tough challenge for anyone, especially the perfectionists among us. But I hope that we would learn to give ourselves grace for the times where we fall short of our own dreams rather than the dream of successful perfection that’s imposed on us.
Words by
Charlotte Paradise
