Standing firm when you feel out of place
There are times when we feel too different or too limited to recognise our right to belong in our spheres or our ability to be successful in achieving our dreams. Acknowledging and challenging these very real feelings can remind us who we are and propel us into a future of impactful purpose.
Our society likes to brandish itself as one of independence that encourages freedom and open-mindedness. Yet, in many ways, it doesn’t actually operate like that. There are certain qualities that we have to have or beliefs that we have to conform to in order to be included in industries, career positions, and communities. The colour of our skin, our age, our body shape, our physical abilities and our beliefs all play a part in making us feel out of place. And we feel that way because the truth is that not being white, able-bodied, male, or fitting the fabricated standards of beauty have kept us out of many places and made us feel like we don’t belong in so many different spheres. But, I don’t know about you, I’ve had enough of myself and the people I love being made to feel like imposters in the places we were born to excel in. And I know that the place to start to make a change is with myself.
Processing Pain
Right now, I’m walking through this exact challenge of standing firm in who I am and in my gifts after recently being made to feel like my voice doesn’t belong in the film industry. I wrote a Romantic Comedy screenplay about a woman who abstains from sex for faith reasons, like myself, because I desperately wanted to challenge the belief that you can’t be a Christian and a feminist. The feedback I received on this script was that my character’s abstinence, according to them, doesn’t adhere to feminist principles because Christianity is inherently patriarchal and therefore my script and its story premise is entirely flawed.
Needless to say, I’m hurt. I feel like no one will want to watch my story. I feel like everyone will misunderstand and reject what I have to say about faith in an increasingly secular world. A huge part of me wants to either give up on my screenwriting dream or write about other things because what I have to say doesn’t fit the common narrative written by a sexually driven society. I feel out of place. But over the last few weeks, I’ve learnt that leaning into that pain of discomfort is crucial.
Accepting Responsibility
So much of chasing our dreams is about trust for others and us and knocks like creative criticism, failed applications, or being betrayed feel especially painful because it shakes that trust. A mentor of mine advised me to allow myself to feel the pain, to not rush to pick myself up and start again straight away if it doesn’t feel right.
Stillness allows us to know that what we have to say, who we are, or what we are doing is unique and therefore confronting. We learn that it won’t be the easiest road to create or do something out of the mainstream mould that society would encourage us to fit ourselves in. But, ultimately, feeling that pain births responsibility and reminds us how much the change we can bring needs to happen to help others, as well as ourselves, who also deserve to feel that they can have a platform.
Remembering There Are Others
It’s important to remember that we are not alone. It’s so isolating to feel dismissed by the spheres we’re passionate about being part of. But there are many of us who feel the same way and many who are not in the entirely privileged ‘norm’ category. We are a diverse world of all different colours, abilities, shapes, classes and ages. We each have another person who we can carry the baton for, who we can advocate to include by standing firm and persevering to make a difference and take up space in certain industries and fields.
As well as a Christian who desperately desires to write pieces about faith, I am also disabled. In our society, achieving success can so often look like physical striving and, if I’m honest, I worry about my ability to make it because I cannot work as others can. That is another truth that attracts me to giving up on my dream. But, I will resist that pull and I will do it by remembering that I am not alone. By knowing that there are other disabled people out there who need to see that success can be achieved despite physical limitations and many people who need to hear and see stories about disability in the entertainment industry.
Having Confidence
Yes, we are diverse and, yes, our differences are seen by others as limitations, but rather than making us more likely to give up that is also the reason why we can stand firm in pursuing our dreams. Because you can’t make a difference in the world by doing what everyone else is doing.
We can also find confidence in God. Hailey Bieber recently posted these true and encouraging words on Instagram:
‘God wants us to have confidence in our calling. God wants to breed security in me and you so we can be in our lane, shifting our community and culture in confidence, knowing it’s where we are meant to be because He put us there. You ARE good at what you do because GOD gave you your gifting. PERIOD!!’
You do, in fact, belong. You have your dreams and your gifts because God gave them to you. So no matter whether you fit society’s mainstream or not, you have the God-given right to use it to make an impact. Just because you may not seem to belong, does not mean that you don’t. When you start to feel like you’re unwanted or too different, stand firm in these truths: God created you to do this, you have your voice for a reason and you are good at what you do.
Words by
Charlotte Paradise
