A Refresh on Resilience
None of us are free from the need for resilience, but how can it be practised in a healthy way which doesn’t invalidate our emotions or traumas?
MEDIA HARPER'S BAZAAR STAFF, PHOTOGRAPHS BY CAMILLA AKRANS; FASHION EDITOR: TOM VAN DORPE
ALL THAT GLITTERS ISN’T GOLD
Looking at the lives of those at the top of their spheres - with their polished career, relationships and lifestyle - you would be no fool for believing that with success comes ease.
Seeing our role models reach milestones we too strive for can be inspiring, but it can also make us feel like we have a lot of catching up, with more hurdles to jump than them.
We might question: why is life so easy for them yet so hard for me?
But the reality of their lives is not necessarily what we may perceive.On a surface level, indeed, those in the spotlight might not have to worry about loads of laundry or food shopping, but no salary, title or success frees us from the messier parts of life.
The ongoing defamation trial between Johnny Depp and his former partner, Amber Heard, is an example of this.
With a zoomed-in lens, they are both people who have garnered great success in their fields, but the wider lens has proven their lives to be much more complex.
Irrespective of their fame and financial comfort, the court case is a real pressure on them and their emotional and mental state.
No matter how much comfort our life affords, when we lose a loved one, experience a failed relationship, or encounter trauma, resilience can be a struggle.
But, with human problems being an inevitable part of life, all of us need resilience and grit, not just to recover from the lows, but to reach the highs.
SHIFTING THE LENS ON RESILIENCE
Often resilience comes with aggressive connotations of ignoring our emotions, pushing past traumatic experiences and not giving ourselves the time we need. But resilience simply means recovering from setbacks. How we do this is different for everyone.
We might look around and compare our recovery period to others. This might make us question whether they have something that we don’t, or wonder if their mindset is stronger than ours.
Here, it is encouraging to remember that we never know the entire story of someone else and that it is natural that we will all vary in how we recover after adversity.
Resilience is a process - not a character trait that some of us have or don’t - but God also created us with our specific personalities. So, comparing yourself, your process, and your life with others can lead to feelings of discontentment.
‘Let us just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.’ (Romans 12:6, MSG).
When we embrace our unique qualities and consider the circumstance of someone else’s life, we understand that recovery from challenges will look different for everyone. Grasping this creates space and grace for everyone on this road.
It is also good to note that, just as those who take longer to bounce back are not weak, when someone bounces back faster, it does not mean they don't care about or are unaffected by challenges.
For some, recovery looks like focusing on work, for others, it’s spending time with family and friends, and for many, it's taking a day to ourselves to breathe and reset.
However we get there, there is no denying that resilience requires us to challenge ourselves and do things we don’t always want to do.
Finding a way to practice resilience that does not discredit what we have been through is crucial.
A HEALTHY STIFF UPPER LIP
In today's world, we need resilience for more than just our struggles.
Being exposed to every bit of hardship through the news means that we are better informed, but also, that we have a vast source of anxiety and concern.
With personal and global struggles combined, the concept of having grit can feel far-fetched and out of reach.
Sometimes we do not have it in ourselves to get up and get on.
If we find ourselves in this place, we can be upheld where we are through a relationship with God.
Having faith does not mean that we will not encounter knockbacks, but it does help us to persevere through hardship or overwhelming feelings.
‘We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.’ (2 Corinthians 4:8–9, NIV).
Throughout the Bible, we are reminded of how we can rely on God’s strength when ours wavers.
‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ (2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV).
Faith marries respecting where we are and our feelings with hope and vision for the future. Here, we can process our own emotions and traumas, whilst also finding the motivation to get back on our feet in a healthy way.
WORDS BY
Ellie Dalton
