Dealing with Imposter Syndrome
Sometimes the only person holding us back is us. Pushing past imposter syndrome to win our battles takes both courage and hindsight.
“I suppose what I’m saying is, if you fire me in 2 months, I wouldn’t be surprised.”
Somehow this sentence had escaped my conscious and made it out of my mouth. After squinting a little, my line-manager finally spoke, “I think you might have a little bit of imposter syndrome.” The project was showing no signs of failure. No one had flagged my weaknesses as a threat to its success. Still, I felt as though I shouldn’t be the one coordinating it.
I had been Project Manager for our flagship campaign for about 5 months. The campaign was a 7-week challenge, reaching over 100,000 people.
I was sure that soon enough I would be exposed as being incapable of handling a project this size. Instead of letting myself get caught, I thought I would confess that I didn’t believe in me either.
‘I thought I would confess that I didn’t believe in me either.’
“I just feel like this is going to fail”
One definition of imposter syndrome reads like this: “A psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments.”
During the campaign, I took a risk by agreeing to put the challenge on a completely new platform dangerously close to the launch date. It meant long hours at the office and plenty of motivational pastries to get the team through. However, we managed to cross the deadline with the challenge uploaded, gaining us exposure to millions more people across the world.
The person who would be able to achieve success running that kind of campaign needed to be organised, driven, adaptable and resilient. It seemed that those were the characteristics I used to get the job done, I just couldn’t identify with them.
Imposter syndrome can affect any area of our life where we feel under-qualified. Isn’t that a slight contradiction in itself? - to be under-qualified for what you have been appointed to do.
This is where I think imposter syndrome, differs from a lack of confidence. Lacking confidence might stop us from trying to achieve a result in the first place, but imposter syndrome often appears after success has been achieved. We disassociate the person we are perceived to be with who we think we truly are.
If we know we’re flawed, how can we accept the label of ‘good’ or ‘enough’ though that’s what others see? I found it so difficult to accept that I could be organised enough to coordinate our flagship campaign, because I know that I can be unorganised in my personal life. Instead of celebrating the ability to find strength in an area I’m not naturally great at, an internal voice labels me an ‘imposter’ and I believe it.
If we’re constantly questioning our abilities and capabilities, how can we confidently move towards anything? Cradling a strong internal sense of disbelief can erode our judgement, which can stop us from seizing opportunities that will propel us forward.
‘An internal voice labels me an ‘imposter’ and I believe it.’
“This worked once before”
King David is a popular bible figure, known for his infamous defeat of the giant, Goliath. In the account of this story (found in 1 Samuel 17) a conversation that takes place between David and the reigning king Saul. Just before David goes out to fight Goliath, King Saul voices his concern that David might not be the right person to fight Goliath. David responds by recounting stories of his previous victories and how they have prepared him for this new challenge.
Many of us face moments where an internal voice questions our capability to succeed in something. Much like David, remembering how we have overcome previous hurdles gives us the confidence to move forward.
David refused to see his previous victories as flukes or “one-off” circumstances. He had confidence that God, who had helped him before, could help him face this new battle. Had David not stepped up to the challenge of facing Goliath, he would have forfeited a great victory and potentially missed out on his chance to be king. The danger of not addressing imposter syndrome is that it can stop us from pursuing a place in the spaces that we are meant to occupy.
In David’s story, Saul tried to give David his armour to fight Goliath with, but the only equipment David needed was 5 stones and his slingshot. You may not feel qualified to do the task ahead, but what skills have you picked up that will get the job done? We don’t have to do something in the same way as others to do the job well. Our past experience has often equipped us for the road ahead in ways we can’t fully imagine.
Thankfully, every place we find ourselves in has been intentionally assigned. God carefully putting us somewhere we can grow or putting us somewhere where our hidden talents can shine.
Words by
Kezia Owusu
