A Spotlight on the Oscars: Does it Work to Forgive and Forget?
The recent drama between Chris Rock and Will Smith at the Oscars has really got us thinking, in our own lives, how should we deal with those who hurt us?
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THE OSCAR GOES TO
It’s unlikely you missed the altercation between comedian Chris Rock and actor Will Smith on stage at the Oscars last month.
Following a joke Rock made about Will Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, shaved head, Smith walked on stage and slapped the comedian before sitting back down and shouting at him.
Naturally, this caused a stir among audience members and viewers watching at home.
Many backed Will for standing up for his wife, saying that Chris’ comment was insensitive to the fact that Pinkett has alopecia. Others condemned Will for physically retaliating.
Although this incident happened a couple of weeks ago, it’s left us at Magnify with a lingering question: personally, how should we handle those who hurt us?
BURYING THE HATCHET
We often hear the term ‘forgive and forget’. A sentiment that, on the surface, seems like an unfailing approach becomes more complicated when we factor in our emotions.
It can be possible to forgive and forget what someone did, but it's much harder to do the same for how someone made us feel by what they did.
As well, it’s important to acknowledge our emotions, even the negative ones. If not, they have the potential to fester beneath the surface, eventually boiling over and highlighted later on.
So, unless we truly do the work, forgiveness remains a nice sentiment, not a remedy.
However, this does not mean the framework of ‘forgive and forget’ should be disregarded altogether. When we embark on the process of forgiving someone, it helps us to let go of cynical emotions and move forward.
TRULY FORGIVING
When we are honest with ourselves, there is a Will and a Chris in all of us. We have all been in a position where we’ve said or done something that has hurt others, and we have all acted on anger and upset when someone disrespects us.
In most scenarios, no matter which side we find ourselves on, we would want to be forgiven ourselves. (So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. Matthew 7:12, NIV.)
Perhaps, the Bible can offer us a direction that helps us recognise our emotions, whilst guiding us in our journey of forgiveness?
The Bible encourages us to treat all people with love and kindness, even those who have hurt us. (‘... Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.’ Luke 6:27-28 NIV.)
This does not mean that we need to invite those who have caused pain back into our lives, but it allows us to live our lives without another's actions having a hold over us.
It also does not mean that putting this advice into practice is easy. Certainly, there are situations where betrayal and damage run deeply, and we may believe there are certain situations where our forgiveness is not deserved.
During these times, we can be reminded of the true spirit within us according to the Bible. ‘For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.’ (2 Timothy 1:7, NIV).
So, if our journey of forgiveness is challenging us, we can ask God to remind us of our true nature, and for His help and strength to act out of the spirit He gave us, not our emotions.
A REALISTIC TAKE
It is important to note that a lot of the time, it is the things that we can’t forget that require our forgiveness the most.
It takes courage and energy to do the hard work of forgiveness, but when we come from a loving place, we choose to free ourselves from living with feelings of resentment and instead replace them with peace and goodwill.
Here we see that it is possible to forgive someone and still remember what they did.
So, while we cannot stop others from hurting us, we can stop ourselves from treating them in a way that mirrors the very behaviour that has wounded us.
Through loving actions, praying to God and acknowledging our emotions, we can live with a forgiving heart. In this, we still allow ourselves scope to stand up for those we love and the causes we believe in, but we bypass the futile cycle of fighting fire with fire.
WORDS BY
Ellie Dalton
