Willing to be Misunderstood: An Interview with Rachel Kerr
Jacket by KAI COLLECTIVE
FACT FINDER
Rachel Kerr is a Grammy considered, award-winning singer
She founded the performing arts school, Singercise
She is also the Creative Director of The Artist Program
She resides in London, UK
'Think and operate outside the box' is advice often given, but pushing a boundary or building an original vision can mean being misunderstood by others. We speak to singer and founder, Rachel Kerr on why the rejection of others shouldn’t let us stray from being authentic to our purpose and gifts.
A PURPOSE MISUNDERSTOOD
What has been the key challenge you’ve faced in your journey as a singer?
I wish my story was more straightforward. The biggest thing about my journey is that I'm not one thing, and when you don’t fit into one box, it’s hard to learn who to show up as. There’s been a lot of people who don't understand who I am. I've heard I’m too dark-skinned for the traditional pop princess and too mainstream for traditional gospel. It's incredibly frustrating when you're like, ‘God, show me everything so I have the motivation to continue’. But instead, God says, 'Rach, I'll let you see the step-by-step, and in not giving you the full picture, you will develop trust, patience and perseverance in Me.’
When we don’t fit neatly into one box, others can misunderstand what we’re doing. Can you speak to a specific time this has happened to you?
I had a gig at the Royal Albert Hall, and before going on stage, I thought, ‘Am I going to be traditional gospel or more contemporary?’. Before going on stage, my band and I had a worship session. We could feel the Holy Spirit wanting to take the atmosphere in our dressing room to the stage. But young and naive Rachel was determined to stick to what we had practised. When I was on stage I could feel it wasn't translating. When I came off stage, I wasn't quite expecting the backlash that was to come.
‘When you don’t fit into one box, it’s hard learning who to show up as.’
What was the aftermath of this defining moment?
People were going in. Unfortunately, in faith-based circles, we do the whole, ‘If she's not singing what I want, she must not be of God’. But it was just a case of wanting to do what we rehearsed. The problem when you can do multiple things is that different people want you to be different things.
Being misunderstood can be uncomfortable, especially when we care deeply about our work. What impact did the backlash have on you?
Seeing the social media backlash broke me. I felt like the walls were literally caving in. It made me feel like, 'I'm struggling with being able to do more than one thing. How do I navigate it?'. I learned when people reject you, you have to ask, 'God, maybe I missed the mark, but were you pleased with me?’.
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STAYING AUTHENTIC
How did your faith help you through that situation?
I realised my identity is in how I treat myself and others, and what God says about me. I find when I just acknowledge God, He directs my steps. It's biblical, and God says, ‘Acknowledge me in all my ways, and I will direct your path. You'll get it wrong. I get it. I've made provisions for that’. What I've learned now, is to not worry about, ‘Who do I need to be right now?’. No. Instead, it’s, 'God, I'm acknowledging you. Lead. Direct’.
Facing setbacks when pursuing our purpose can tempt us to mould ourselves to fit the 'norm' in an attempt to make the journey easier. How did you hold onto your authenticity and gifts following that?
Two things can happen when we’re not accepted. Number one, you go in your shell, or number two, you become defiant. I experienced both. At first, I didn’t drink or eat, I was just really sad and felt misunderstood. I texted my mum saying, ‘It's been a good run, but my career is over’ — so dramatic. My Mum said, ‘Sis, unless God says it's the end, you better find another stage and sing’.
What was further difficult was I could see doors being closed because word of mouth spread. It’s easy to do the whole, ‘Fine, you don’t accept me? Then I’m going to really be me’. That can quickly become a destructive journey steeped in self, bitterness and resentment. God's never looking for that. He's looking for you to be who you’ve been called to be, but still crosscheck it with Him. The Bible says there's a way that seems right that can lead to destruction. So even in the midst of being authentic, invite God in so He can make sure that authenticity is validated. I thought, 'If this is what it feels like not to be accepted, I'm still alive. So, you know what? Let's double down’.
‘In the midst of being authentic, invite God in so He can make sure that authenticity is validated.’
How did your faith help you to double down?
In the Bible, there's a story about God calling His servants to dig a well. Every time the well was dug, the enemy would come and fill the well back up. So it's almost like your hard work is being sabotaged. I remember thinking, ‘I’m going to dig another well and acknowledge the world we've been given is huge’. So I decided, through God's grace, to dig another well, but not in the UK. The next thing I know, I'm touring with the likes of Lauryn Hill and Kirk Franklin. It felt like God was saying, ‘Don't underestimate me. I've called you just to be you. So, as you're acknowledging me, let me direct your path to the bigger part of my world’.
Music is not just about your talent but also how people receive you. How have you navigated staying authentic with this in mind?
When you've been rejected, you become stronger and better for it. You realise the applause of man is great, but it is not all that important. Some of my biggest wins have been in business where people don't see the statistics, so they won't necessarily applaud it. Because of that, I wouldn't say I'm overly focused on my image. I stay true to my gifts by only accepting opportunities that excite me and make me feel like I can use my gifts to help.
UNCOVERING A GIFT
Where did your love for music begin?
I sang from a young age, but in my family that didn't gain applause. Everyone sang. So, I grew up not thinking singing was a gift. Also, coming from a small town, people didn't fuss over talent — I now realise that was God's way of not allowing me to be defined by my gift, which I'm appreciative of. So, I didn't think anything of music. What was more at the forefront was academics, I thought, ‘I'm going to be a lawyer’. After finishing my degree, I moved to London and started going to open mic nights alongside my corporate job. At that point, singing started to call me, and it was getting uncomfortable exercising my gifts on stage and then going back to my 9-5.
Was there a moment that made you act on that uncomfortable feeling?
I had an interview for another position at the associate firm I was working at, and I came down to the final two. The man told me, ‘I really like you’. And I'm thinking, 'It's in the bag'. Then he says, ‘But I’ll be honest, I looked you up and I saw some videos of you singing’. I don’t know what I expected to hear next, but what I didn’t expect was, ‘I preferred the girl on the screen over the girl in front of me. I can't help but feel like giving you this position would be a disservice to you’.
How did that moment lead you to pursue singing full-time?
Not long after that interview, I was nominated for a MOBO award through the open mic nights. By God's grace I won that, and from there was invited to sing for presidents, dine with the UK Prime Minister and have won Grammy considerations. But I think the biggest breakthrough has been in business. I founded a performing arts school, Singercise, and it’s been amazing to see how God has used that to change my life. I started Singercise because there are so many critics and so few teachers.
In mainstream industries, faith can feel absent. How have you been able to maintain your personal values when feeling the pressure to align with your industry?
When I was on tour, I was offered drugs. While my answer was ‘no’, I remember how someone could easily say ‘okay’. Because I was honoured to be in the room and was referred to with such respect. So in that moment, it would've been so easy to continue that momentum of praise and say 'yes'.
I know what it feels like to be in an environment where you feel uncomfortable. Where I've had to compromise is learning it's not everyone I'm to fight with. I'm still to be an expression of God's love in every situation. So, I'll remove myself from the situation and ask God to allow my essence not to be judgmental, so others can see how it is to act with integrity, and something about that be attractive.
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MEETING REALITY WITH GOALS
We can feel like we have to fake it till we make it, but the reality of this can be tiring, especially in the face of adversity. How do you navigate showing up while acknowledging where you are mentally and emotionally?
Going through disappointments is difficult when you’re expected to show up and sell, ‘God is so good, let's celebrate’. And internally, you're like, ‘God of grace, what is happening in my life?’. But you still need to make the most of opportunities even when things are giving you sleepless nights.
One thing that has helped has been taking the focus off me. Realising that maybe God has orchestrated this scenario because He knows the pain I'm feeling will spark me to say something that will help somebody else. It's different when you speak and everything's going well. It's different when you pray and everything's going well. But when you experience challenges, it unlocks a different zone that allows you to do things that transcend your best self. That allows me to show up with conviction.
How do you ensure this approach is a sustainable one?
We forget that God is a holistic God. So we say, ‘I'm going through a lot, so I'm going to double down in prayer’. Great. However, we forget that God is a God of the mind, body, and soul. In the Bible, there's a word that says, I want you to prosper in your health, even as your soul prospers. So health and the soul are connected. When I feel like I'm not able to do all the things I'm required to do, yes I double down spiritually, but taking care of my body gives me the strength to turn up with passion and enthusiasm.
‘For people who feel like they have to mould themselves into one thing, don't shortcut what God's given you.’
Have you had to learn that the hard way?
There was a time when I was gaining a lot of weight. I was really in my mood. Even my husband was saying, ‘Is everything well with you? Because it's a lot right now’. Nothing was balanced, everything was extremes. When the soul is not right, you make a lot of mistakes, and as a result, I was ticking off a few people. The worst thing about those situations is when you feel awful, you only want to do the things that contribute to you feeling awful. I think I just got to a point where I had enough of myself. You have to almost get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Looking back, how has being willing to be misunderstood when pursuing your purpose helped you?
I'm so glad God didn't give me everything I wanted when I was young. What I've learned is that primarily, I'm a servant. God's given me many gifts, but the reason why I have this is not to just express myself, but really to be of service to people. For people who feel like they have to mould themselves into one thing to appease the applause, don't shortcut what God's given you. We are multifaceted. I’ve had to battle my way through the boxes and I’m grateful for it.
Keep up to date with Rachel here.
AS TOLD TO Ellie Dalton
CREATIVE DIRECTION BY Ruth Yimika Afolabi
PHOTOGRAPHY BY Amanda Akokhia
STYLING BY Mo Ogunsan
MAKEUP BY Imelda Ladebo
HAIR BY Carole James
PRODUCTION ASSISTING BY Eugenia Owusu
