The Cost of Love: An Interview with Sazan Hendricks
Dress by VICTORIA BECKHAM, Ring by APPLES & FIGS
FACT FINDER
Sazan is a Kurdish-American digital content creator and founder who shares musings on fashion, beauty, family and faith
She is married to her husband, Stevie, and they have three children
Together they have released their book, ‘A Real Good Life’
Sazan resides in Austin, Texas
Obedience to our calling can come with personal sacrifice. Content creator and founder, Sazan Hendricks, knows this well. Personally, marrying the man meant for her resulted in losing touch with her family. Professionally, she had to walk away from her lifelong dream of becoming an entertainment presenter. We chat about reconciliation, changing ambition and love.
BLOSSOMING LOVE
What was your childhood like, and what values shaped you into the woman you are today?
I grew up in an apartment in Dallas with two and a half bedrooms and eight of us living there, so everybody was up in each other's business, and we were all very close. My parents worked really hard as immigrants who came to the US, so I saw early on that hard work comes from showing up every single day. I remember growing up having this creative energy I needed to channel, so I would lock myself in the bathroom and talk to my reflection in the mirror as I took my mum's makeup. I'm still doing that today, but now I do it for millions who are watching this content that I'm living and sharing.
How did you come to faith?
I always thought God was this spectator who we couldn’t access. I didn't understand when people said you can have a relationship with God. Then, in my early twenties, I went through a really difficult breakup. I was like, ‘What am I going to do with my life?’. I felt really cornered by what the answers were. Turning to family and friends didn’t fulfil this nourishment I felt my soul was hungry for.
To find direction, I decided to focus on my studies, and it was in that season when I met Stevie. We instantly connected, and he became that vessel to learn more about God. He never tried to get me to convert, but he told me about his testimony because I asked him, 'How are you a genuinely happy person?’.
How did your friendship with Stevie turn into a relationship?
We studied radio, television, and film at the University of North Texas together, and the programme required us to participate in the newscast. I remember walking in, and the first thing I ever noticed about Mr. Stevie Hendricks was that he was wearing the wrong shade of foundation because, on camera, you have to wear foundation. But beyond that, Stevie really had this charm, and he brought people together.
The next semester, we got to anchor the newscast together. We had already been friends, but I was afraid to like somebody like Stevie, because I knew I could never go far with a guy who was so culturally different because of family expectations. While I was born in America, my parents instilled that I had to marry in our Kurdish culture. So, I always told Stevie that we couldn't fall in love. And the rest became history.
Where did that expectation from your family come from?
Speaking on my parent's behalf, our Kurdish people don't even have a land today. So my parents didn’t want me or my siblings to forget who we are or the ancestors who fought before us. My grandfather died fighting for the Kurds on the battlefield. My maternal grandfather was an artist who used his art to advocate for the Kurdish people. It was that importance of continuing the legacy, and I think my parents feared that, growing up in America, we would forget that. I can totally empathise and see that, but you can't help who you fall in love with.
Suit by MATÉRIEL, Shoes by AQUAZZURA
A CHOICE TO MAKE
When did you and Stevie become something serious?
In 2014, Stevie and I graduated college, and we both moved to LA to try to make our dreams work. I'd already been in a secret relationship with him for three years, but I still didn't know how our relationship was going to turn out. So I said, ‘Let me just focus on my career and see what happens’. We finally had that conversation that confirmed we were the real thing. From there, I knew we had to walk in our truth to allow God to begin the healing process with my family by telling them the truth.
What was the moment of telling your parents about Stevie like?
I told God, ‘You need to nudge me because I genuinely cannot do this by myself’. My dad came to visit me in LA, and when he hugged me, it felt like I got winded. I felt the Holy Spirit say, 'Tonight is the night'. I was sweating. It was the scariest thing feeling like I let them down. I went to the bathroom, and I just got on my hands and knees and said, ‘God, from this moment, you have all of me. I know any hope for reconciliation in the future has to come from you because I'm about to lose my family’.
As soon as I said that, something came over me. It was peace knowing God was in my corner. So I told my dad, and he was not pleased. We sat there for over an hour in dead silence before he said anything. The anxiety I felt for months and even years about this relationship, I knew God could now actually start to heal it, even though it felt really hard at the time.
What was the outcome of that conversation?
What happened completely shattered my family. Stevie and I got married, and my siblings were at my wedding, but my parents didn't come. It caused my relationship with God to grow even stronger because I felt that sense of abandonment. My earthly father didn’t want to talk to me, so my heavenly Father had to be that place of love, light and support. There were so many hopeless nights in my journey where, while I was married to the man of my dreams, I would cry for my family and wonder if we were ever going to reconcile.
‘While I was married to the man of my dreams, I would cry for my family and wonder if we were ever going to reconcile.’
Being so close with your family, what were the inner conflicts you had to reconcile when choosing the life you knew God was calling you to over the one your parents wanted for you?
I remember having one foot in and one out because I was a very new Christian. Sometimes we can put our faith on a checklist and think we need to do certain things in order to grow in our faith, but sometimes God says, ‘Hey, actually, I don't need you to sit with me, I need you to walk with me’. On one hand, I was so about it, but on the other hand, I was still trying to be in control.
I saw that need for control in my career too. I still wanted to be this entertainment host, and even though doors weren't opening, I was trying to push them down. God was saying, ‘You're going to lay that dream down and trust me to go this other direction of creating your own content’. I remember saying, ‘Fine, okay’. But it was the route I didn't want to take because it was the harder route.
Top by DION LEE, Trousers by AREA, Ring by APPLES & FIGS, Earrings by HANNAN CLASSIC
A NEW PERSPECTIVE
Letting go of a dream doesn't mean we dismiss our ambitions. How have you seen your ambitions develop and change?
In LA, when it came to ambition, there was this fixation on self-pursuit. You think you have to hustle and if you don't, five other people will have surpassed you five minutes ago. I felt like I had to earn a good life. That is something I’ve really had to lay down. But when you really settle your worth and know who created you and why He created you, you have to tell yourself this hard truth, either Jesus is enough, or He isn't. That’s hard to accept when you’re ambitious and want to chase the next thing.
‘Either Jesus is enough, or He isn't. That’s hard to accept when you’re ambitious and want to chase the next thing.’
What did learning that lesson look like for you?
That lesson learned came when I hit the bank account goal. I had that house. I got those cars. But that glimpse was enough for me to realise I was actually missing the real thing. Having goals and pursuits is great, but we need to redefine success because when you constantly chase the next thing, you're missing out on what God is trying to do in your life right now. So, instead of this worldly FOMO, I need to have a fear of missing out on what God is doing in my life. It's about loving where you are right now despite not being where you want to be.
Redefining success is something spoken about a lot, but how have you done this personally?
We think about cultivating this perfect life, but there's no such thing. God is not concerned about the perfection of our hearts. He's more concerned about the direction. So if we just focus on that, our goals and ambitions will intersect with exactly who God has made us for in this time. What if success is actually about going lower rather than higher? Reaching for the things in front of us, going into our communities and households to be those influencers we all are to make a difference in the world that God has given us.
Jumpsuit by GUCCI, Boots by JIMMY CHOO
RECONCILIATION
What events led to the beginning of reconciliation between your parents, Stevie and yourself?
My parents never were removed from my life. I think they needed to take that step back to go on their own journeys to understand how to accept it. While I was going on my journey, isolated, God was doing things in their life to get them out of the box they had formed around what happiness meant for their children. I think the faucet burst through the seams when my daughter was born. She was eight months old when my dad met her for the first time.
What was that day of initial reconciliation like?
I remember that day vividly. The day he met my daughter Valentina for the first time was the same day he met Stevie. Stevie was so nervous. Valentina got car sick, so as we were pulling up to their driveway, she vomited all over herself. We were immediately distracted by that, and the next thing, my mum opened the garage door and my dad came out to us. There was something so powerful about that because he could have been sitting on the couch waiting for us to come to him.
We were all distracted by Valentina's messiness, and my mum grabbed Valentina as they’d met before, and we all went to the kitchen. Me and my dad were standing next to each other with Stevie opposite making small talk. My mum brings my daughter in and hands her back to me, and at that moment, my dad pulls me in toward himself.
What did that moment mean to you?
That little gesture said, ‘I love you’. It was like this dream come true moment, and if God's presence was in human form, I could see Him in the corner winking at me saying, ‘I had you’. It still makes me emotional because God was so good and faithful when I didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. It's a love story that goes beyond me and Stevie, it's seeped into the bloodline of my family and heritage.
'If you’re in the thick of something right now, know that good and hard can coexist.'
Reconciliation isn’t just a singular moment, but a journey. What has that process been like, and how have you seen God restore those lost years?
My mum recently told Stevie, ‘You really are like the glue in this family, and I'm very happy that you're my son’. It brought tears to his eyes. Now, all three kids have this beautiful diversity between both our families. That sets my heart on fire as a mum and as a Kurdish woman. I would go through all of those hard moments for this time right now.
If I could go back to that 25-year-old girl on her wedding day, I wish I could say, 'Your parents are not here today, and I know that is so hard for you, but you're going to have three kids, and your parents are going to be more obsessed with them than you are. And it's all because of faith'. If you’re in the thick of something right now, know that good and hard can coexist in a good life. It's not the life that's advertised on TV. A real good life is going to take you through a hard journey.
Stay up to date with Sazan here.
AS TOLD TO Ellie Dalton
CREATIVE DIRECTION BY Ruth Yimika Afolabi
PHOTOGRAPHY BY Iakovos Kalaitzakis
STYLING BY Laura Weatherburn
HAIR BY Asahi Sano
